I'm currently sitting in school with tears welling in my eyes and luke warm half drunk hot chocolate next to me.
For as long as I can remember I've been shy, it's only in recent years I discovered that I actually have an anxiety disorder (which has become more severe as I've gotten older and recieved more responsibilities and expectations; panic attacks being frequent). I've never been able to answer a telephone when it rings. I can only call close family members. I've always preferred spending time alone on my laptop rather than communicating. Throughout primary school I was bullied consistently, I'd frequently try to skip school and my mum would often go in to speak to teachers about it, yet nothing improved. This bullying followed me to secondary school. It died out in the last few years (I am merely ignored now) but by then the damage was done. I find it near impossible to communicate with people. I think I'm going to be annoying them or their going to laugh at me etc. you know what I mean, you think in your head about doing it then all theses ifs and buts rush through your mind and then you end up not doing it.
I have attended counselling yet that seemed to have no effect.
I am currently taking 20mg of fluoxetine daily.
Throughout high school I battled with self harm and depression (which became apparent was secondary to my anxiety) but have been free of this for over a year now; which is a triumph I'm still incredibly proud of.
I am in my last year of education (year 13; sixth form) before hopefully moving on to University next year.
My attendance has never been fantastic; sometimes missing weeks at a time and if I do attend I'm always 15-30 minutes late. Despite this I am intelligent and have been able to study at home in order to enable good grades (usually Bs that are 12 marks or less off of As). When beginning fluoxetine my attendance and attitude to life in general greatly improved; I was able to go to the town centre and do some shopping by myself something I had never been able to do.
In the last few months however my anxiety has been gradually increasing leading to the point where my attendance is greatly suffering again. I can't sleep at nights because I'm worried about the morning, in the morning I barely have the motivation to leave my bed and shower let alone make the 20 minute walk in the cold weather to school. SInce last year school has been aware of my struggles to a certain extent and my mum similarly is aware and is extremly supportive due to struggling with anxiety herself in life (however she lives 3 hours away so can not support me as much as I'd like.) I have attempted to make my dad aware but he prefers to bury his head in the sand and ignore the issue the only involvement he has in my life is to criticise me and tell me off if I recieve letters home about my attendance (which sadly makes my anxiety increase).
What has led me to joining this site today of all days?
I'm in the midst of a breakdown, my head of year just approached me about my attendance in which I spent the whole time crying. I am surrounded by noise. Each sound making me jump. Barely able to speak today. I feel detatched from myself. I am an empty shell. I feel so weak today.
I just need to know I'm not alone.
For as long as I can remember I've been shy, it's only in recent years I discovered that I actually have an anxiety disorder (which has become more severe as I've gotten older and recieved more responsibilities and expectations; panic attacks being frequent). I've never been able to answer a telephone when it rings. I can only call close family members. I've always preferred spending time alone on my laptop rather than communicating. Throughout primary school I was bullied consistently, I'd frequently try to skip school and my mum would often go in to speak to teachers about it, yet nothing improved. This bullying followed me to secondary school. It died out in the last few years (I am merely ignored now) but by then the damage was done. I find it near impossible to communicate with people. I think I'm going to be annoying them or their going to laugh at me etc. you know what I mean, you think in your head about doing it then all theses ifs and buts rush through your mind and then you end up not doing it.
I have attended counselling yet that seemed to have no effect.
I am currently taking 20mg of fluoxetine daily.
Throughout high school I battled with self harm and depression (which became apparent was secondary to my anxiety) but have been free of this for over a year now; which is a triumph I'm still incredibly proud of.
I am in my last year of education (year 13; sixth form) before hopefully moving on to University next year.
My attendance has never been fantastic; sometimes missing weeks at a time and if I do attend I'm always 15-30 minutes late. Despite this I am intelligent and have been able to study at home in order to enable good grades (usually Bs that are 12 marks or less off of As). When beginning fluoxetine my attendance and attitude to life in general greatly improved; I was able to go to the town centre and do some shopping by myself something I had never been able to do.
In the last few months however my anxiety has been gradually increasing leading to the point where my attendance is greatly suffering again. I can't sleep at nights because I'm worried about the morning, in the morning I barely have the motivation to leave my bed and shower let alone make the 20 minute walk in the cold weather to school. SInce last year school has been aware of my struggles to a certain extent and my mum similarly is aware and is extremly supportive due to struggling with anxiety herself in life (however she lives 3 hours away so can not support me as much as I'd like.) I have attempted to make my dad aware but he prefers to bury his head in the sand and ignore the issue the only involvement he has in my life is to criticise me and tell me off if I recieve letters home about my attendance (which sadly makes my anxiety increase).
What has led me to joining this site today of all days?
I'm in the midst of a breakdown, my head of year just approached me about my attendance in which I spent the whole time crying. I am surrounded by noise. Each sound making me jump. Barely able to speak today. I feel detatched from myself. I am an empty shell. I feel so weak today.
I just need to know I'm not alone.
via Social Anxiety Forum http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f25/hello-world-280905/
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment