He's told me that from all my visits so far he doesn't see anything which would lead him to believe I have any real disorders. I told him I'm not trying to find disorders with myself and based on my experiences in life that I want to at least figure out if I may have any, even if they are mild, in order to help me with treatment or picking the best paths toward improvement.
I just can't see how I've reached 40 and not a single genuine intimate relationship even though I want one. There has to be something deeper than what I see and what he sees but there is no way to know for sure unless I get tested. I just don't know how or where or what is involved. No idea how much it costs. No idea how to even go about figuring out what tests to have done.
I know I have depression. Since like 6 years old, something has dwelled in me along those lines that has never changed. I have extreme self esteem issues. I have social anxieties. They are not as extreme as some people and I have found the ability to push my way through them a lot of times, but they are there nonetheless. I have tendencies toward obsession behaviors. I have abandonment fears and a huge need for constant validation. I over-analyize everything. I fit the description for someone who has borderline personality disorder. Although I'm an empathetic person, I seem to have occasional tendencies to be sociopathic. I tend toward co-dependency in others, primarily those who I attach to strongly. I also have a tendency toward disassociation and in the past have definitely had episodes which could be seen as bi-polar (brief manic phases after longer periods of depression). I am also often mildly paranoid of what is going on around me or related to the intention of others, which might be a mild form of schizophrenia. I also feel at times that my behaviors toward others could be explained as mild forms of either autism or Asperger syndrome.
I just can't see how I've reached 40 and not a single genuine intimate relationship even though I want one. There has to be something deeper than what I see and what he sees but there is no way to know for sure unless I get tested. I just don't know how or where or what is involved. No idea how much it costs. No idea how to even go about figuring out what tests to have done.
I know I have depression. Since like 6 years old, something has dwelled in me along those lines that has never changed. I have extreme self esteem issues. I have social anxieties. They are not as extreme as some people and I have found the ability to push my way through them a lot of times, but they are there nonetheless. I have tendencies toward obsession behaviors. I have abandonment fears and a huge need for constant validation. I over-analyize everything. I fit the description for someone who has borderline personality disorder. Although I'm an empathetic person, I seem to have occasional tendencies to be sociopathic. I tend toward co-dependency in others, primarily those who I attach to strongly. I also have a tendency toward disassociation and in the past have definitely had episodes which could be seen as bi-polar (brief manic phases after longer periods of depression). I am also often mildly paranoid of what is going on around me or related to the intention of others, which might be a mild form of schizophrenia. I also feel at times that my behaviors toward others could be explained as mild forms of either autism or Asperger syndrome.
via Social Anxiety Forum http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/therapist-not-recommending-testing-for-me-257498/
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