* Apologies in advance if this is a ramblerant* Okay, so earlier today I was on the bus.. I was already feeling incredibly anxious and irritated (because of the weather mostly, Australian summer is hell *for me)
..I decided to sit somewhere different from the usual, when all of a sudden this guy just starts staring at me. I mean full on STARING .. so mentally I was flipping out.. because he wouldn't stop.. so I thought.. Is it because of my makeup? *I wear rather heavy semi-theatrical makeup, Dress in a freaky/ gothic nature. But I looked pretty normal. Not dressed provocatively or anything, I just could not undertsand it..But I couldn't move! Literally the entire bus trip.. The brief moments I stared back I was trying to suss whether he was mentally challenged or you know.. "innocent" .. but he gave this sort of all knowing "I want to interact" half smile at one point that kind of made me dismiss that thought.
Just before my stop was coming I stood up to wait for the tag off machine to say I could swipe my card.. Then he got up.. For the longest minute of my life I was standing awkwardly on a moving bus with this nut job creep. This isn't that bad.. But I mean that was one of the most agnonizing bus trips ever, I was at war with myself mentally on what to do.. Somedays I just tell these people politely to you know what., and most days I pretend it's not there or treat it like a joke.. Then I get these other moments where I just fill with rage, and have to put all my energy into controlling aggressive impulses .. That moment.. In that confined space of searing heat .. I had all of these thoughts it was internal anguish and a very awkward display.
Where I live .. in my little town people are constantly eyeing me, commenting or flat out harassing. I hate going out.. The more I do The more and more I fill with rage.
The only thing that brings me happiness these days is dressing the way I do. It is absolutely essential and always has been.
It is hell for my anxiety though, even when I look normal I still attract attention. Does anyone else feel vexed/judged and harassed by the people on the street? ..Does your appearance attract unwanted attention?
..I decided to sit somewhere different from the usual, when all of a sudden this guy just starts staring at me. I mean full on STARING .. so mentally I was flipping out.. because he wouldn't stop.. so I thought.. Is it because of my makeup? *I wear rather heavy semi-theatrical makeup, Dress in a freaky/ gothic nature. But I looked pretty normal. Not dressed provocatively or anything, I just could not undertsand it..But I couldn't move! Literally the entire bus trip.. The brief moments I stared back I was trying to suss whether he was mentally challenged or you know.. "innocent" .. but he gave this sort of all knowing "I want to interact" half smile at one point that kind of made me dismiss that thought.
Just before my stop was coming I stood up to wait for the tag off machine to say I could swipe my card.. Then he got up.. For the longest minute of my life I was standing awkwardly on a moving bus with this nut job creep. This isn't that bad.. But I mean that was one of the most agnonizing bus trips ever, I was at war with myself mentally on what to do.. Somedays I just tell these people politely to you know what., and most days I pretend it's not there or treat it like a joke.. Then I get these other moments where I just fill with rage, and have to put all my energy into controlling aggressive impulses .. That moment.. In that confined space of searing heat .. I had all of these thoughts it was internal anguish and a very awkward display.
Where I live .. in my little town people are constantly eyeing me, commenting or flat out harassing. I hate going out.. The more I do The more and more I fill with rage.
The only thing that brings me happiness these days is dressing the way I do. It is absolutely essential and always has been.
It is hell for my anxiety though, even when I look normal I still attract attention. Does anyone else feel vexed/judged and harassed by the people on the street? ..Does your appearance attract unwanted attention?
via Social Anxiety Forum http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/aestheticly-freaky-harrased-either-way-252450/
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