For the past few months ive been in self-isolation. I go out only at night for some reason, but if when I do it's only because I know i'm going to drink. I'm currently at uni, in my third year, but I've just cut off from it. I've not checked my emails in months, and I know i'm in a lot of trouble because I've missed some deadlines.
I feel incredibly guilty but i'm too terrified now as I've left it so long, how do i explain to the university why I've been absent? My anxiety has become so crippling I can't leave the house unless I drink before hand, and because of that i'm scared my tutors/other uni personnel would smell it on me.
Recently all I've been thinking terrible thoughts. I would never go ahead and do something rash, but lately it's all I can think about. I haven't told anyone, and my GP just puts me on medication but I can't even see any difference in me - if anything i'm getting worse.
The irony of it all is no-one knows. I live at home and my Mum hasn't noticed, and neither have my friends. I told one friend I had anxiety but she finds it hard to understand, as in her eyes I have nothing to worry about and apparently I shouldn't just say i have SAD and GAD just because a doctor gave me that label. I only went to the GP because another friend insisted i should after i'd told her how down I always seem to be. I didn't need a label to tell me there's something wrong.
I'm so scared, and it's a problem that could be easily solved if i just grew a pair and talked to someone at university. But because no-one knows, it will look like i'm lying or....oh god, I don't know. If I can't even do this then how the hell am I going to cope with everything else? I'm just pathetic, really, and hence why the bad thoughts keep cropping up. I know I need some help but it seems like nothing is working.
I've gone to the GP, I've been to counselling (which did help short-term) I'm on the meds. Why don't I feel any better? I just think i'm meant to be this way. I don't see it ever getting better.
Anyway, I don't even know why I'm posting this, I know no-one has an answer. Just thought i'd tell someone, as bottling it all up is never good.
Tibba.
I feel incredibly guilty but i'm too terrified now as I've left it so long, how do i explain to the university why I've been absent? My anxiety has become so crippling I can't leave the house unless I drink before hand, and because of that i'm scared my tutors/other uni personnel would smell it on me.
Recently all I've been thinking terrible thoughts. I would never go ahead and do something rash, but lately it's all I can think about. I haven't told anyone, and my GP just puts me on medication but I can't even see any difference in me - if anything i'm getting worse.
The irony of it all is no-one knows. I live at home and my Mum hasn't noticed, and neither have my friends. I told one friend I had anxiety but she finds it hard to understand, as in her eyes I have nothing to worry about and apparently I shouldn't just say i have SAD and GAD just because a doctor gave me that label. I only went to the GP because another friend insisted i should after i'd told her how down I always seem to be. I didn't need a label to tell me there's something wrong.
I'm so scared, and it's a problem that could be easily solved if i just grew a pair and talked to someone at university. But because no-one knows, it will look like i'm lying or....oh god, I don't know. If I can't even do this then how the hell am I going to cope with everything else? I'm just pathetic, really, and hence why the bad thoughts keep cropping up. I know I need some help but it seems like nothing is working.
I've gone to the GP, I've been to counselling (which did help short-term) I'm on the meds. Why don't I feel any better? I just think i'm meant to be this way. I don't see it ever getting better.
Anyway, I don't even know why I'm posting this, I know no-one has an answer. Just thought i'd tell someone, as bottling it all up is never good.
Tibba.
via Social Anxiety Forum http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/fed-up-of-being-too-scared-301257/
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