Um, well, this is going to be a bit long, but let's begin where it all started. I'm a bit... unstable? No, more of just confused with who I'm supposed to be. I flip from mask to mask in order to fit in with others, especially since I'm almost always surrounded by girls who are of my age. I'm sure you can already guess that I'm almost always an 'outcast'. But it's not always, as stated previously. I hang out with other social outcasts, and I actually enjoy their company as I hope they enjoy mine. But even so, it's rare for me to ever have any real friends.
So, seeing how I have difficulty in trusting and making friends in real life, I turn to the internet. And to tell you the truth, I think I did quite well, not to be obnoxious or anything. I made a lot of internet friends of varying histories and personalities that kept my interest piqued and our friendships active. Even though I didn't know them in real life, they made me feel like I was actually doing good for once.
But then... well, let's just say everything went completely out of my hands. I introduced an internet friend of mine to a friend I had in real life, and, well, they became close almost instantly. I was happy for them, but then my internet friend introduced my RL friend to the rest of my internet friends. And now she's become the core center of our entire group, and everyone loves her. I should feel happy, but I didn't. It was obviously envy, but I was able to banish it for a while. But the longer it continues, the more I'm being pushed away.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't leave the group because I promised to one of my internet friends that I wouldn't, and the very least I can do to repay them for all the help and support they've given me. But it hurts. It hurts because I don't know who I am anymore. My usual mask is a happy, -random-, bubbly persona that tries to be as humorous as possible, but my RL friend can pull it off way better than I can. The rest of my group is starting to mimick the same, always blubbering out random unnecessary comments and topics that it's beginning to overwhelm my inbox. With so many doing the same random persona, I no longer have anything else to use. I'm selfish, stupid, rude, and I know I shouldn't even rant about this, but I'm starting to feel more and more horrible as I watch the people I'm supposed to trust turn into these faceless, repetitive strangers.
I feel unwanted, ridiculous, and plain useless now. I don't want to disappoint them, but I'm already teetering on the edge of my limit. I was supposed to count on them, but now I can't even talk to them anymore because of how phoney I feel. I don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any advice? Please? I'm really sorry for making this so long, but I'm sort of trying to release this frustration. Sorry if this is in the wrong section, I'm pretty new to this site.
So, seeing how I have difficulty in trusting and making friends in real life, I turn to the internet. And to tell you the truth, I think I did quite well, not to be obnoxious or anything. I made a lot of internet friends of varying histories and personalities that kept my interest piqued and our friendships active. Even though I didn't know them in real life, they made me feel like I was actually doing good for once.
But then... well, let's just say everything went completely out of my hands. I introduced an internet friend of mine to a friend I had in real life, and, well, they became close almost instantly. I was happy for them, but then my internet friend introduced my RL friend to the rest of my internet friends. And now she's become the core center of our entire group, and everyone loves her. I should feel happy, but I didn't. It was obviously envy, but I was able to banish it for a while. But the longer it continues, the more I'm being pushed away.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't leave the group because I promised to one of my internet friends that I wouldn't, and the very least I can do to repay them for all the help and support they've given me. But it hurts. It hurts because I don't know who I am anymore. My usual mask is a happy, -random-, bubbly persona that tries to be as humorous as possible, but my RL friend can pull it off way better than I can. The rest of my group is starting to mimick the same, always blubbering out random unnecessary comments and topics that it's beginning to overwhelm my inbox. With so many doing the same random persona, I no longer have anything else to use. I'm selfish, stupid, rude, and I know I shouldn't even rant about this, but I'm starting to feel more and more horrible as I watch the people I'm supposed to trust turn into these faceless, repetitive strangers.
I feel unwanted, ridiculous, and plain useless now. I don't want to disappoint them, but I'm already teetering on the edge of my limit. I was supposed to count on them, but now I can't even talk to them anymore because of how phoney I feel. I don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any advice? Please? I'm really sorry for making this so long, but I'm sort of trying to release this frustration. Sorry if this is in the wrong section, I'm pretty new to this site.
via Social Anxiety Forum http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/unwanted-and-envious-371153/
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