I'm Marissa, I'm here to try and get back into the real world, hopefully meet some people in a similar situation and get some advice and motivation. And with any luck my life back on track.
Long story short I haven't always had social anxiety, I was actually pretty active in High School and was on the cross country team and also played soccer. I applied to college and was rejected (GPA too low) I tried the community college, but unlike HS I never felt like I fit in. I dropped out after 7 weeks of being too shy to interact with the instructors or people around me. So I tried to find a job, which I couldn't do for the same reasons, too shy, too quiet, too scared to speak up. I lasted a whopping 3 days at Mcdonalds. That led me to another line of work, dancing. It was good money and I didn't have to talk to anybody really, just be on stage and dance, and although at first I hated taking my clothes off in front of people I got used to it. After that things tumbled out of control and I started giving private dances, getting involved with drugs and prostituted myself over 2000 times in the next 3 years. I woke up one morning last september and told myself I've had enough and stopped everything before it got out of control. I quit everything. And slept for a long time.
I spent the winter inside my apartment only going out to go food shopping and to the gym everyday always at midnight to lessen my chance of running into people. I work out on the weight machines for hours and run for 5 miles to get my anger out and clear my mind. I just can't seem to make the jump into the real world. I order my clothes and things online so I don't have to go to the store. I've slipped back into "working" to make extra cash, but I've learned to be selective and choose my clients and I'm actually happy and comfortable with it now.
I keep trying to go to the mall, but once I park my car and start walking I freeze up and run back to my car and go home. I can't even have a relationship with a guy (or girl) because I'm too scared to open my mouth and talk, I just sit there with a blank state.
I hope I can make some progress before mid/late summer, but I'm not holding my breath.
Long story short I haven't always had social anxiety, I was actually pretty active in High School and was on the cross country team and also played soccer. I applied to college and was rejected (GPA too low) I tried the community college, but unlike HS I never felt like I fit in. I dropped out after 7 weeks of being too shy to interact with the instructors or people around me. So I tried to find a job, which I couldn't do for the same reasons, too shy, too quiet, too scared to speak up. I lasted a whopping 3 days at Mcdonalds. That led me to another line of work, dancing. It was good money and I didn't have to talk to anybody really, just be on stage and dance, and although at first I hated taking my clothes off in front of people I got used to it. After that things tumbled out of control and I started giving private dances, getting involved with drugs and prostituted myself over 2000 times in the next 3 years. I woke up one morning last september and told myself I've had enough and stopped everything before it got out of control. I quit everything. And slept for a long time.
I spent the winter inside my apartment only going out to go food shopping and to the gym everyday always at midnight to lessen my chance of running into people. I work out on the weight machines for hours and run for 5 miles to get my anger out and clear my mind. I just can't seem to make the jump into the real world. I order my clothes and things online so I don't have to go to the store. I've slipped back into "working" to make extra cash, but I've learned to be selective and choose my clients and I'm actually happy and comfortable with it now.
I keep trying to go to the mall, but once I park my car and start walking I freeze up and run back to my car and go home. I can't even have a relationship with a guy (or girl) because I'm too scared to open my mouth and talk, I just sit there with a blank state.
I hope I can make some progress before mid/late summer, but I'm not holding my breath.
via Social Anxiety Forum http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f25/hi-386033/
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