Hey everyone, i was thinking, maybe it would be a good idea to share the stories on how you developed SA. This might turn out to be positive because you can learn from it, and then try to counter it!.
I will start off by telling my story, it might be kind of long but what the hell, i have nothing better to do :).
The first thing i remember is, me being a 4-5 year old, being afraid of going to my first school, because i knew no one and i was taken away from my safe haven. Later i got the confidence and actually enjoyed going to school and learning how to count and write and stuff like that lol.
Fast forward 5-6 years, i am now 10-11, everyday i wake up, i wake up with this super huge smile. When i walk ALL the people on the way to school notice how happy i am, often smiling at me, making jokes with me, heck even the girls at that age were nice to me.
I remember feeling that way, it was the best feeling in the world, i felt like i was on top of the world no worries, no nothing, just enjoying life everyday.
Then the other kids that age started to pick on me, probably for being so happy. I always used to give everyone a genuine smile, some tried to steal stuff from me, some punched me. I was too afraid and felt bad about doing something mean to someone, because from the inside, i felt nothing but happiness and i really couldn't understand why someone would be mean to me, while i was being nice to them!.
At the same time, i started to become more self conscious, my dad unfortunately was raised super strict and harsh, this would eventually lead to tons and tons of humiliations in front of people i didn't know. Some examples, i was a kid, my dad forced me to carry a pretty heavy bag of groceries, it was so heavy that my shoulders were hurting trying to keep it off the ground. I failed to do so and dropped it, this resulted in some products rolling on the street, he got mad at me and started to get mad at me in spanish, i started crying, because i told him it was too heavy for me, and he was screaming at me in the middle of the street, while everyone was watching. As i was crying, i picked everything up from the street, some people were walking by, and he started to say mean things to me in the language they could understand, just to humiliate me even more.
a lot of other stuff he said, involved calling me stupid in front of people, saying he was ashamed of having me as his son, finding a letter in which he said he didn't care about me and my mother, coming back from work and telling me how his colleagues all laughed at his stories of how stupid i was.
this all resulted in me becoming super shy, not looking people in the eye, always being the underachiever, my self esteem dropped to a low like never before, thinking about suicide.
luckily i was too afraid to do that, i had a few good friends, i got into drugs (which somehow actually helped me to become more confident), right now i still suffer from those things that happened in those stages of my life.
I luckily lost most of my weight, now hit the gym 5 times a week, moved to another country (good and bad things about it). I really hope i get over my SA, to fully enjoy life to its fullest again, like when i was a child.
i am looking forward to reading your stories, so share!.
I will start off by telling my story, it might be kind of long but what the hell, i have nothing better to do :).
The first thing i remember is, me being a 4-5 year old, being afraid of going to my first school, because i knew no one and i was taken away from my safe haven. Later i got the confidence and actually enjoyed going to school and learning how to count and write and stuff like that lol.
Fast forward 5-6 years, i am now 10-11, everyday i wake up, i wake up with this super huge smile. When i walk ALL the people on the way to school notice how happy i am, often smiling at me, making jokes with me, heck even the girls at that age were nice to me.
I remember feeling that way, it was the best feeling in the world, i felt like i was on top of the world no worries, no nothing, just enjoying life everyday.
Then the other kids that age started to pick on me, probably for being so happy. I always used to give everyone a genuine smile, some tried to steal stuff from me, some punched me. I was too afraid and felt bad about doing something mean to someone, because from the inside, i felt nothing but happiness and i really couldn't understand why someone would be mean to me, while i was being nice to them!.
At the same time, i started to become more self conscious, my dad unfortunately was raised super strict and harsh, this would eventually lead to tons and tons of humiliations in front of people i didn't know. Some examples, i was a kid, my dad forced me to carry a pretty heavy bag of groceries, it was so heavy that my shoulders were hurting trying to keep it off the ground. I failed to do so and dropped it, this resulted in some products rolling on the street, he got mad at me and started to get mad at me in spanish, i started crying, because i told him it was too heavy for me, and he was screaming at me in the middle of the street, while everyone was watching. As i was crying, i picked everything up from the street, some people were walking by, and he started to say mean things to me in the language they could understand, just to humiliate me even more.
a lot of other stuff he said, involved calling me stupid in front of people, saying he was ashamed of having me as his son, finding a letter in which he said he didn't care about me and my mother, coming back from work and telling me how his colleagues all laughed at his stories of how stupid i was.
this all resulted in me becoming super shy, not looking people in the eye, always being the underachiever, my self esteem dropped to a low like never before, thinking about suicide.
luckily i was too afraid to do that, i had a few good friends, i got into drugs (which somehow actually helped me to become more confident), right now i still suffer from those things that happened in those stages of my life.
I luckily lost most of my weight, now hit the gym 5 times a week, moved to another country (good and bad things about it). I really hope i get over my SA, to fully enjoy life to its fullest again, like when i was a child.
i am looking forward to reading your stories, so share!.
via Social Anxiety Forum http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/share-the-story-on-how-you-think-you-developed-your-393457/
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