Hi all, I'm Ed from London.
I'll turn 31 years old on Tuesday, and the fear of going on like this is really forcing myself to try and come out of my shell.
Ever since I was violently and mentally bullied in my teens (although there were perhaps some deeper problems too), I've found it difficult to trust others. Even a casual chat with a medical receptionist or shop assistant makes me tighten up, become mouseish, or else break into sweats and blushing.
Social anxiety sapped away at virtually all of my twenties. Despite being fairly academically gifted, I failed to finish my degree and instead ended up with with a Diploma of Higher Ed. Hardly worked at all, except for some casual tutoring work around 10 years ago. I'm embarrassed to say I've been living with my family and relying on them to support me. I don't have a lot of expenses, but I absolutely can't go on doing that. They've tried to help, but I know that over the past few years, the resentment has been growing, and I don't blame them. ... I've had some suicidal thoughts, which have been harder to fight, the more the years roll by.
Most of my days are spent on the net, but I've been trying to become more open and fight the feelings of insularity and withdrawal. I've reconnected with some old friends, but still wouldn't say I was particularly close to them - we talk about football, play poker, video games, have a good time and whatnot, but opening up about feelings is something we could never do. I've been exercising a lot more, which has given me a lot more energy than I used to have. I've shifted a LOT of weight in the last few months (I was obese) and I'm glad to say I'm almost back down to a normal weight again.
Still struggling to find a foothold in the job market with very little employment history at the age of 31, and more generally, trying to transform myself into someone who can at least handle normal social interactions.
What am I into besides all this dreary stuff? Music, especially rock - Hendrix, 90s Britpop, hair metal - I love it all! \m/ Used to be a bit of an RPG gamer, but the interest has slightly dwindled of late. I love cats - they're lovable and always smell good. I'm a huge TV addict - currently watching the Danish crime drama Forbrydelsen (The Killing) and Breaking Bad.
Anyway, that's me. :yes Hope I can do something to help others here whilst also getting help.
I'll turn 31 years old on Tuesday, and the fear of going on like this is really forcing myself to try and come out of my shell.
Ever since I was violently and mentally bullied in my teens (although there were perhaps some deeper problems too), I've found it difficult to trust others. Even a casual chat with a medical receptionist or shop assistant makes me tighten up, become mouseish, or else break into sweats and blushing.
Social anxiety sapped away at virtually all of my twenties. Despite being fairly academically gifted, I failed to finish my degree and instead ended up with with a Diploma of Higher Ed. Hardly worked at all, except for some casual tutoring work around 10 years ago. I'm embarrassed to say I've been living with my family and relying on them to support me. I don't have a lot of expenses, but I absolutely can't go on doing that. They've tried to help, but I know that over the past few years, the resentment has been growing, and I don't blame them. ... I've had some suicidal thoughts, which have been harder to fight, the more the years roll by.
Most of my days are spent on the net, but I've been trying to become more open and fight the feelings of insularity and withdrawal. I've reconnected with some old friends, but still wouldn't say I was particularly close to them - we talk about football, play poker, video games, have a good time and whatnot, but opening up about feelings is something we could never do. I've been exercising a lot more, which has given me a lot more energy than I used to have. I've shifted a LOT of weight in the last few months (I was obese) and I'm glad to say I'm almost back down to a normal weight again.
Still struggling to find a foothold in the job market with very little employment history at the age of 31, and more generally, trying to transform myself into someone who can at least handle normal social interactions.
What am I into besides all this dreary stuff? Music, especially rock - Hendrix, 90s Britpop, hair metal - I love it all! \m/ Used to be a bit of an RPG gamer, but the interest has slightly dwindled of late. I love cats - they're lovable and always smell good. I'm a huge TV addict - currently watching the Danish crime drama Forbrydelsen (The Killing) and Breaking Bad.
Anyway, that's me. :yes Hope I can do something to help others here whilst also getting help.
via Social Anxiety Forum http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f25/hopefully-on-the-first-steps-to-recovery-397377/
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment