I think the concept of friendship has been just as idealized as romantic relationships in movies and such. Maybe not for everyone - I'm willing to accept that there are some people out there who really do have friends who are willing to, for example, come over at 3 AM and help them through a tough time. And that's great. I just think it's incredibly rare.
I have friends. I have friends who would probably classify me as a "close friend." But I think that's such an illusion. Yeah, we hang out on weekends, and go to movies and all that stuff, but there's so little depth to these relationships. We talk about a lot of things, but it's all so surface. And I'm sick of it. Aren't friends supposed to be able to share the important things? Because I can't even imagine letting any of them know about my depression and anxiety. I'm sure they would say all the right things at that time, and then things would just be... different. Of course it's partly my fault - I'm not willing to open up to people. It's just that I'm so sure I know what the reaction would be. Because I have tried, in a sense, to talk about my depression, albeit in an impersonal, roundabout sort of way (I know that doesn't make much sense, don't know how else to explain it) and the response is always a variation of "oh yeah, I feel sad about stuff too sometimes. Now back to lighter topics that don't matter!"
That didn't used to bother me all that much, but now that my social anxiety has skyrocketed to a new level and my depression has gotten to the point where I lie in bed catatonic for about an hour before I can even cope with the process of getting up, I just really wish I had someone to talk with honestly. If I had that, I think I could probably start to dig myself out of this hole; I just can't risk telling my friends and losing them. Even surface relationships are more appealing to me than being completely alone.
Anyway. I don't really know what I expect people to say to this, maybe some of you can relate. It's just nice to be completely honest about how I feel for a change, even if it's only with strangers online.
I have friends. I have friends who would probably classify me as a "close friend." But I think that's such an illusion. Yeah, we hang out on weekends, and go to movies and all that stuff, but there's so little depth to these relationships. We talk about a lot of things, but it's all so surface. And I'm sick of it. Aren't friends supposed to be able to share the important things? Because I can't even imagine letting any of them know about my depression and anxiety. I'm sure they would say all the right things at that time, and then things would just be... different. Of course it's partly my fault - I'm not willing to open up to people. It's just that I'm so sure I know what the reaction would be. Because I have tried, in a sense, to talk about my depression, albeit in an impersonal, roundabout sort of way (I know that doesn't make much sense, don't know how else to explain it) and the response is always a variation of "oh yeah, I feel sad about stuff too sometimes. Now back to lighter topics that don't matter!"
That didn't used to bother me all that much, but now that my social anxiety has skyrocketed to a new level and my depression has gotten to the point where I lie in bed catatonic for about an hour before I can even cope with the process of getting up, I just really wish I had someone to talk with honestly. If I had that, I think I could probably start to dig myself out of this hole; I just can't risk telling my friends and losing them. Even surface relationships are more appealing to me than being completely alone.
Anyway. I don't really know what I expect people to say to this, maybe some of you can relate. It's just nice to be completely honest about how I feel for a change, even if it's only with strangers online.
via Social Anxiety Forum http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/friends-and-depression-378817/
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